BUCFP Exclusive: Ultimate Bill's Bowl Preview!

In case anyone was curious, here's what I, Ultimate Bill,  think about this season's Smorgasbord of Bowl offerings:

Non-BCS Piddlin' Bowls

NEW MEXICO

Site: Albuquerque

Date: Dec. 17

Time/TV: 2 p.m./ESPN

Matchup: Temple (8-4) vs. Wyoming (8-4)

Ultimate Take: The Bowl committee was leaning on the obvious desires of the triple digit strong Temple Owl fan base to go to New Mexico for that pesky weekend prior to Christmas when there is simply nothing better to do. Rumor has it when the committee called Arlen Gentry, Wyoming's lone fan located on the outskirts of Laramie to inquire as to his interest he said, "I reckon I might watch it." For the life of me I seriously have looked in every crevace of my being and can't find even the slightest millimeter of interest in this game - and I LOVE college football.

FAMOUS IDAHO POTATO

Site: Boise, Idaho

Date: Dec. 17

Time/TV: 5:30 p.m./ESPN

Matchup: Ohio (9-4) vs. Utah State (7-5)

Ultimate Take: Famous Idaho Potato Bowl? Really? Did no one consider how much cooler "Spud Bowl" sounds? What little I know of this game rides with my knowledge that Frank Solich, previously of Nebraska head coaching fame, has apparently taken his consistent ability to generate 9-4 records to the Ohio Bobcat program. So that's gotta count for something.

NEW ORLEANS

Site: New Orleans
Date: Dec. 17
Time/TV: 9 p.m./ESPN
Matchup: Louisiana-Lafayette (9-3) vs. San Diego State (8-4)

Ultimate Take: Apparently the Sugar Bowl and BCS title games just didn't present enough opportunities for the New Orleans Chamber of Commerce to entice college fans to come, get drunk, pay two drink minimums to pee, and ultimately get arrested. So here we go with this bowl and the odd pairing of a directional Louisiana school with Marshall Faulk's alma mater.

BEEF ‘O’BRADY’S

Site: St. Petersburg, Fla.
Date: Dec. 20
Time/TV: 8 p.m./ESPN
Matchup: Florida International (8-4) vs. Marshall (6-6)

Ultimate Take: Only in this extremely bloated, asinine modern day bowl world we live in does a 6-6 MARSHALL team get a bowl invitation. But given the bowl is a Tuesday night game in a city known more for hosting more episodes of COPS than pretty much any other American city, I guess it gives the denizens of St. Pete something to do that doesn't involve meth lab busts.

POINSETTIA

Site: San Diego
Date: Dec. 21
Time/TV: 8 p.m./ESPN
Matchup: TCU (10-2) vs. Louisiana Tech (8-4)

Ultimate Take: Yes. San Diego State is headed to the New Orleans Bowl whilst Louisiana Tech is headed to the San Diego State Bowl. Here's a thought, just Fedex your uniforms to each other - you'll save a bundle on travel costs and no one will be the wiser for it. TCU is going to thrash either the real Louisiana Tech team or the impostors so it's a win-win.

LAS VEGAS

Site: Las Vegas
Date: Dec. 22
Time/TV: 8 p.m./ESPN
Matchup: Boise State (11-1) vs. Arizona State (6-6)

Ultimate Take: Did Boise State barbecue cute puppies in a past life or something? Not only do you get no BCS bowl Broncos, here's a 6-6 Pac 12 team for you to "compete" with. I suppose Vegas is something for you but still. Geeez.

HAWAII

Site: Honolulu
Date: Dec. 24
Time/TV: 8 p.m./ESPN
Matchup: Nevada (7-5) vs. Southern Miss (11-2)

Ultimate Take: The letter was dated December 2. To Southern Miss, If you beat Houston in your conference championship game, and make it easier for us to ignore them for the BCS bowls, we'll see that you get a cream-puff opponent for your bowl game. Oh, did we mention your bowl game will be in Hawaii? Love, The BCS Committee.

INDEPENDENCE

Site: Shreveport, La.
Date: Dec. 26
Time/TV: 5 p.m./ESPN
Matchup: Missouri (7-5) vs. North Carolina (7-5)

Ultimate Take: I can't think of any better way to punish two underachieving 7-5 programs than by sending them to Shreveport the day after Christmas. A+ for creativity to the sentencing Judge!

LITTLE CAESARS PIZZA

Site: Detroit
Date: Dec. 27
Time/TV: 4:30 p.m./ESPN
Matchup: Purdue (6-6) vs. Western Michigan (7-5)

Ultimate Take: A Little Caesars pizza is akin to taking watered down ketchup, spreading it thinly on a piece of cardboard, sprinkling some sort of cheese like substance on the top, and cutting up a slim-jim and passing it off as "pepperoni". Purdue football is to football what Little Caesars is to pizza so, well done bowl committee...well done.

BELK

Site: Charlotte, N.C.
Date: Dec. 27
Time/TV: 8 p.m./ESPN
Matchup: N.C. State (7-5) vs. Louisville (7-5)

Ultimate Take: Dear New Mexico Bowl, pay attention. The Belk Bowl, recognizing the lack of appeal of going to Charlotte, NC on a Tuesday, chose teams in fairly close proximity, thereby giving them a glimmer of hope that someone might attend.

MILITARY

Site: Washington
Date: Dec. 28
Time/TV: 4:30 p.m./ESPN
Matchup: Air Force (7-5) vs. Toledo (8-4)


Ultimate Take: The Rockets playing Air Force! Get it? Get it??? You know someone on the bowl committee said this.

HOLIDAY

Site: San Diego
Date: Dec. 28
Time/TV: 8 p.m./ESPN
Matchup: California (7-5) vs. Texas (7-5)

Ultimate Take: If Texas loses this one Jeff Sagarin might, MIGHT, drop the Longhorns from his top ten. of course, Jeff Tedford is coaching Cal still so the Longhorns are a shoe-in for the victory and the Top Five final season ranking that Sagarin will bestow upon them.

CHAMPS SPORTS

Site: Orlando, Fla.
Date: Dec. 29
Time/TV: 5:30 p.m./ESPN
Matchup: Florida State (8-4) vs. Notre Dame (8-4)

Ultimate Take: The Charlie Ward led FSU team lost by a touchdown to Lou Holtz's Irish Squad in a  battle of #1 versus #2 in 1993, which according to the math used when considering this match-up, was actually 230 light years ago for both of these once prestigious programs.

ALAMO

Site: San Antonio
Date: Dec. 29
Time/TV: 9 p.m./ESPN
Matchup: Baylor (9-3) vs. Washington (7-5)

Ultimate Take: Hopefully, by this point RGIII will be carrying along a Heisman trophy to this outing against the Huskies. It will be fun to watch Griffin trade scores with a Pac 12 offense.

ARMED FORCES

Site: Dallas
Date: Dec. 30
Time/TV: Noon/ESPN
Matchup: BYU (9-3) vs. Tulsa (8-4)

Ultimate Take: Proposed name for this bowl: "The Wayward Conference Realignment Outliers Bowl". Gotta nice ring to it don't it?

PINSTRIPE

Site: New York
Date: Dec. 30
Time/TV: 3:20 p.m./ESPN
Matchup: Rutgers (8-4) vs. Iowa State (6-6)

Ultimate Take: The Pinstripers score the ultimate coup by landing the local faves Rutgers, thereby assuring that at least 3 of the 7 Rutgers fans in Yonkers will attend the game along with the frightened Iowa hicks that make the trek.

MUSIC CITY

Site: Nashville, Tenn.
Date: Dec. 30
Time/TV: 6:40 p.m./ESPN
Matchup: Mississippi State (6-6) vs. Wake Forest (6-6)

Ultimate Take: Never, and I mean NEVER, invite two 6-6 squads to your bowls. 666 people? Number of the Beast? Not enough warning for you?

INSIGHT

Site: Tempe, Ariz.
Date: Dec. 30
Time/TV: 10 p.m./ESPN
Matchup: Iowa (7-5) vs. Oklahoma (9-3)

Ultimate Take: Given Bob Stoops is coaching the Sooners and this isn't really a big game, the Hawkeyes will likely lose by 62 points. If this were the Fiesta, Stoops would, no doubt, lay an egg.

TEXAS

Site: Houston
Date: Dec. 31
Time/TV: Noon/ESPN
Matchup: Northwestern (6-6) vs. Texas A&M (6-6)

Ultimate Take: See prior concern. (as an aside, anyone notice how proud the SEC is of its acquisition of a 6-6 team (plus a 7-5 team in Mizzou). Where they simply trying to make Vandy competitive again?)

SUN

Site: El Paso, Texas
Date: Dec. 31
Time/TV: 2 p.m./CBS
Matchup: Georgia Tech (8-4) vs. Utah (7-5)

Ultimate Take: I got nuthin'.

LIBERTY

Site: Memphis, Tenn.
Date: Dec. 31
Time/TV: 3:30 p.m./ABC
Matchup: Cincinnati (9-3) vs. Vanderbilt (6-6)

Ultimate Take: Again, nuthin'.

KRAFT FIGHT HUNGER

Site: San Francisco
Date: Dec. 31
Time/TV: 3:30 p.m./ESPN
Matchup: Illinois (6-6) vs. UCLA (6-7)

Ultimate Take: Couple of optional title for this one: "Coaches Hungry for Jobs Bowl"; "Teams Hungry for Wins Bowl"; "The Exception Bowl" (yes, UCLA was exempted from the "must be at least .500" rule since it had to play in the Pac 12 title game due to USC's lack of eligibility. That is to say, the rules committee basically met and said "We know Oregon is going to curb stomp you so for a little parting gift, you get a bowl anyway. Enjoy San Fran!"

CHICK-FIL-A

Site: Atlanta
Date: Dec. 31
Time/TV: 7:30 p.m./ESPN
Matchup: Auburn (7-5) vs. Virginia (8-4)

Ultimate Take: Take one fanbase that thinks Chik-Fil-A is fine dining and the other that wouldn't dare step into a fast food establishment without sterile booties, mix 'em together and let the fun begin!

TICKETCITY

Site: Dallas
Date: Jan. 2
Time/TV: Noon/ESPNU
Matchup: Houston (12-1) vs. Penn State (9-3)

Ultimate Take: Taking a cue from the Boise treatment, the bowl committee rewards Houston's outstanding season with a match-up against the most toxic post season participant in football history.

CAPITAL ONE

Site: Orlando, Fla.
Date: Jan. 2
Time/TV: 1 p.m./ESPN
Matchup: Nebraska (9-3) vs. South Carolina (10-2)

Ultimate Take: For those still paying attention, there is NOT ONE SINGLE BOWL GAME on NEW YEAR'S DAY????? Yeah yeah NFL blah blah blah but still...This game oughta be a good one.

GATOR

Site: Jacksonville, Fla.
Date: Jan. 2
Time/TV: 1 p.m./ESPN2
Matchup: Ohio State (6-6) vs. Florida (6-6)

Ultimate Take: This game oughta be a bad one.

OUTBACK

Site: Tampa, Fla.
Date: Jan. 2
Time/TV: 1 p.m./ABC
Matchup: Michigan State (10-3) vs. Georgia (10-3)

Ultimate Take: The conference title game runner-up bowl. Intriguing match-up.

COTTON

Site: Arlington, Texas
Date: Jan. 6
Time/TV: 8 p.m./Fox
Matchup: Arkansas (10-2) vs. Kansas State (10-2)

Ultimate Take: This is the best non-BCS bowl game in my humble opinion. Sure Kansas State ws hosed but this is still a better bowl game than that program ever dreamed of at the start of the season.

BBVA COMPASS

Site: Birmingham, Ala.
Date: Jan. 7
Time/TV: 1 p.m./ESPN
Matchup: Pittsburgh (6-6) vs. SMU (7-5)

Ultimate Take: SMU soars from the depths of the death penalty to...wait, is this part of their continued punishment?

GODADDY.COM

Site: Mobile, Ala.
Date: Jan. 8
Time/TV: 9 p.m./ESPN
Matchup: Northern Illinois (10-3) vs. Arkansas State (10-2)

Ultimate Take: All those wins and still not a hint of relevancy.


AND NOW FOR THE BIGGIES

ROSE

Site: Pasadena, Calif.
Date: Jan. 2
Time/TV: 5 p.m./ESPN
Matchup: Oregon (11-2) vs. Wisconsin (11-2)

Ultimate Take: Neon yellow versus cheese. This is a great match-up for the Rose Bowl. Russell Wilson and a running game versus any number of offenses the Ducks run! Settle in for this one!

FIESTA

Site: Glendale, Ariz.
Date: Jan. 2
Time/TV: 8:30 p.m./ESPN
Matchup: Oklahoma State (11-1) vs. Stanford (11-1)

Ultimate Take: It sure would have been nice to see Oklahoma State get its crack at LSU but settling for this contest will be great..

SUGAR

Site: New Orleans
Date: Jan. 3
Time/TV: 8:30 p.m./ESPN
Matchup: Michigan (10-2) vs. Virginia Tech (11-2)

Ultimate Take: The Bowl No Apologies Bowl. For the entire world that is kvetching about the Hokies getting an at-large bid, Frank Beamer has a message for you, "Kiss his lily white..." (this is a family forum). You get the drift. At any rate, feel free to bemoan the lower ranked Michigan team while you are at it...anyone...anyone? Even with my Orange and Maroon colored shades and can confidently say that, while Virginia Tech might have soft pedaled its way to this bid, can one REALLY convincingly argue that it's not as qualified as Houston, TCU, or Kansas State? Probably not. So...I'll take it thankyouverymuch and you can kiss Frank Beamer's...

ORANGE

Site: Miami
Date: Jan. 4
Time/TV: 8 p.m./ESPN
Matchup: Clemson (10-3) vs. West Virginia (9-3)

Ultimate Take: Something tells me a record is going to be set for coonskins per capita in the South Florida area on January 4. The question remains, as in every year, as to why this game is being played on a Wednesday night after the holiday weekend but I digress. This actually should be entertaining.

BCS TITLE GAME

Site: New Orleans
Date: Jan. 9
Time/TV: 8:30 p.m./ESPN
Matchup: LSU (13-0) vs. Alabama (11-1)

Ultimate Take: THE REMATCH WE ALL HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR. And by "We all" I mean Mark May and the residents of Tuscaloosa and Birmingham. So if Bama's kicker can actually kick this time, the Tide becomes our convincing champion??? Mmmkay.