BUCFP Special Feature: My Week 7 Elimination Pick and the 80's Hair Metal Band Cinderella

I am a 40 year old father. What I've come to understand is that I don't care about anything. This epiphany has greatly increased my understanding and appreciation for my own father. For those of you in similar shoes, you might understand my position of not caring. For those of you who are not, let me explain:

1) I don't care what clothes I wear.
2) I don't care that my music is dated.
3) I don't care about what people I don't know think about me or my clothes or my music.

The list goes on and on, but in short, I just don't care. And it is FANTASTIC! I never realized how liberating the 40 year old father mindset can be. Life is wonderful.

And this brings me to my special feature column topic: What exactly do my Week 7 Elimination Pick and the 80s hair metal band Cinderella have in common. let me begin with a true story:

A few months ago I found myself behind the wheel of my Camry, crawling through the ever present traffic in Jacksonville, Florida, on my way home after work. Traffic is not always a bad thing, because, as we all know, the car is often the only place a father/husband can get some peace and listen to whatever he damn well pleases. As such, I had my XM Radio tuned into a glorious station known as "Hair Nation". For us 40 year old white males, that station is a trip down memory lane. In addition to the aforementioned Cinderella, you get a healthy dosage of Guns 'n Roses, Whitesnake, Poison, Judas Preist, Ozzy, and so much more. It is loud, obnoxious, and PERFECT.

So there I was heading east on Beach Boulevard, minding my own business and rocking out, when up besides me, crawling along at my pace came the car driven by a young punk. Now, though I recognize I too was once a young punk, I've come to learn that, with my new mindset, comes along a general disdain for any activity undertaken by anyone between the ages of, say, 12 and 29. So here comes the young punk blaring some kind of indecipherable, incomprehensible, bass-thumping, diarrhea inducing "music". You all know the drill - the bolts of his car were shaking loose at the heavy thumb of the bass of a song that, no doubt "featured" an "artist" with "li'l" in his name. That's right - here I am minding my own business, rocking out at a reasonable volume and thinking of the day and up comes young punk with nerve enough to think that he is going to get his way. 38 year old Ultimate Bill may have digressed but not 40 year old Ultimate Bill. no sir. Just as the opening  chords of Cinderella's "Somebody Save Me" came on Hair Station, every aggravated fiber in my body told me it was time for a come-uppance. And with that, I rolled down my window and dialed up the volume on my factory installed Japanese made stereo and let loose with:

I shook that little sniveling wimp to his core. He didn't know what hit his little dance-hall music butt. He couldn't get out of my sight fast enough. Win for the middle aged guys!

ed note: This is all a true story. I did in fact, crank this song in this exact scenario. Whether the young punk actually heard me is debatable but he did exit the highway shortly thereafter so let's go with my theory.


What does this have to do with the Elimination Pick? Let's begin with my pick - I select the Virginia Tech Hokies (-6.5) over Wake Forest. Is this homerism at it's best? No. You know why? Virginia Tech is the 40 year old father in this scenario and Wake is the young punk that's about to get a beat down of Cinderella-esque proportions. 6.5 measly points? In the first quarter you little sniveling Demons. To wit:

Wake Forest is but one of a handful of teams that have NEVER beaten Virginia Tech in ACC play. Now, on paper, Wake would appear to have some hope for this one. They are riding high on an unbeaten streak in league play, including last week's home win over the now pedestrian Seminoles (riddled with injuries). They are the darling of the ACC media scene. And Virginia Tech has all ready had it's big time aspirations crushed under the weight of a beat-down in Blacksburg at the hands of Clemson. But, as Coach Corso says, "NOT SO FAST!"

The Hokies righted their offensive ship by putting on a fireworks display against Miami, including Logan Thomas' otherworldly QB performance (responsible for 5 TDs and a 250+ QB Rating). "But wait Bill! The defense was very generous against a Miami team that is mediocre at best." I agree Mr. Naysayer but let me share with you what probably happened behind closed-doors in Bid Foster's locker room:

"YOU LOWLIFES LET THAT ASCOT-WEARING, FREE-SLINGING, MONEY GRUBBING, BURNOUT OF A QB NAMED JACORY HARRIS LIGHT YOU UP! YOU LET MIAMI RUN AT WILL......IN MY HOUSE!?!?!?  PREPARE YE GENTLEMEN FOR A WEEK OF PAIN. PAIN SO GREAT YOU WILL WISH YOU CHOSE THE GLEE CLUB WAY BACK IN NINTH GRADE. PAIN SO GREAT THAT IT WILL BRING YOU NOTHING BUT PLEASURE TO STROLL INTO WINSTON-SALEM TO INFLICT PAIN UPON SOMEONE ELSE. NEXT WEEK, YOU SHALL OWN THE DEMON DEACONS BUT THIS WEEK YOUR SORRY BUTTS BELONG TO ME!"

This would be followed by much pants-wetting and clipboard smashing.

No, my friends, Wake doesn't have a chance this weekend. I'm going to take the easy cover of 6.5 points and go with my Hokies. And with that, God bless America and God bless Judas Priest, because Wake Forest, if you think you have a chance this weekend? YOU GOT ANOTHER THING COMING...